To be honest, I’ve been meaning to get back into my old style of blogging.

Over the past year or 2 I’ve pretty much only ever blogged on here to give updates on the things that have been going on in my life around the time of that particular blog post.  Theoretically that’s what a blog is supposed to be, but I remember years ago I used to occasionally drop some opinionated or observational pieces dedicated specifically to whatever topic, event, etc it was I felt I had something to share on.

Way back when I used to blog through myspace, and random people could come across my posts and comment on them, it was those pieces that seemed to garner the most interest from internet passers by, so I should do some more of that stuff I think .

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Since the last blog post, in early February…

 I’ve near enough accomplished 2 out of 3 things I set as a goal for 2012, the third goal “to find a Disney Princess for my life (meet a girl)” wasn’t necessarily something I had set in stone for 2012 though, I’m not about rushing things like that (I’ve had it turn sour in my own relationship experience in the past, and I’ve seen “rushing things” eventually burn out a lot of friends relationship attempts too.

So yeah, whilst I very much feel ‘the sooner the better’ regarding killing loneliness.  I don’t want to rush that, if it happens it’ll happen.  At least I’d hope so.  I usually go oblivious to any girl hinting at liking me, and I’m not the kind of guy to “hit on” random girls etc.  So really all I can do is just wait and see where life goes eh.  :P

The other 2 things on my hit list where -

1) Land a job
2) to move again

About a month ago I got a job at the hospital.  I just deal with medical records, it’s nothing glamorous or lucrative, but in a small way I can say I assist in saving lives ^_^.

Land a job

The moving again goal should be underway shortly too.  Currently I live with 2 friends whom unfortunately are going there separate ways soon.  The house is up for sale, and several people have dropped by to view it, so soon it’ll be sold, so kermit needs to secure a new lilypad >_>.

Been eyeballing a few places on the internets, 2 bedroom places that I’ll share with my good friend Sam who’s also looking to move out at the moment.  Should be fun, maybe it’ll be the “Joey and Chandler” type of bachelor living as seen in FRIENDS?

—

Had an eventful weekend just go by too.

Friday night, stayed up late playing some video games and watching some South Park and Big Bang Theory’s with previously mentioned friend Sam.

Saturday.  I had an afternoon beer and bet on 3 horses on ‘The Grand National’ …none of them even managed to finish the race.
Afterwards me and my friend Chris heading to the train station, Manchester bound, to watch a live WWE event at the M.E.N Arena.

…on the way to the sation we saw 2 drunk people with friends assisting having a street fight.  #StayClassyPreston…

The WWE event was great (as they always are), mostly thanks to the great live crowd atmosphere.

Afterwards we popped in the Hard Rock Café in Manchester, grabbed a beer before catching the train back to Preston.  Once in Preston, we hit up “Warehouse” and had a swell time in there too ^_^.

Sunday I slept like it was hibernation season.  To make up for energy spent the day prior, and make up for the lack of sleep during the working week (I tend to average about 3 1/2 hours sleep a night during the week), and I also overslept to keep me from facing hangover punishment for drinking mucho’s.

…and that’s my story.

I’ll chime in with some more blogs shortly (honest), and I’ll try and generate some ideas for a few article-esque type posts instead of just my usual ‘whats been going on’ blogs.

Till then, adios amigo’s

Kermit

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Kermit has Currently/ Recently been:

Watching:

• South Park — LOVING season 16 so far
• The Big Bang Theory
• Eastenders
• Heroes — Just recently started watching this show, about 10 eps in so far and I’m liking it.  I hear the quality drops as it goes on, but for now I’m entertained ^_^
• Into the Wild – Awesome, awesome film!!
• Reign over me – another film I find to be awesome ^_^

Playing:

• Mario Kart 7 — Nintendo 3DS
• Starfox 64 3D — Nintendo 3DS
• Pokémon Black — Nintendo DS
• Wii Fit — Nintendo Wii
• DiRT 3 — Xbox 360
• Street Fighter x Tekken — Xbox 360
• Skullgirls — Xbox 360

Hola!

Hope you remembered to flip you calendar over, cause February started happening the other day.

Anyway, it’s been a while since I put a blog out, so whilst I’m surfing on some productivity…here’s one.

So let me jump in first of all with my…

2012 plan of attack!!!

1. Land a job.  Right now I’m in a magical phase (not actually magical) of  my life were I’m currently between having left University, and looking for work.
   ••
   Looking for work is not so bad, it’s easy enough to do.  Sure enough it involves some of that sugar coated fakeness when I’m having to fill in application forms that have multiple choice personal judging questions, which practically force you to lie about who you are in order to get considered for a job.
   ••
   I much prefer it when it’s nothing but my CV, and a potential interview before some potentially high and mighty seeming human resources person deems whether someone is or isn’t what they see as ideal for the job.
   ••
   In the meantime I suppose I can focus on getting a little closer to earning some money from my hobbies, whether that be working on “Currently Playing“, actually putting in the time to make some money off my YouTube ad partnership ^_^, or looking pretty and available for any friends whom are needing an extra worker bee to help take there own entrepreneurship to the next level .  Coincidentally, all 3 of those last 3 things are getting some focus as of recent, the last one being in relation to the logo’s and such I made and mentioned in a not so long ago’s blog.
2. Move (again).  Moving out in 2011 was one of the highlight’s of my year, still, I’ll need to move again this year as it just feels more right for me to live somewhere were I feel as though I’m an equal animal in that habitat.  It’s not that I’m shunned or anything here, it’s just being the “renter” within a married couples’ (who are 2 friends of mines’) house that they have mortgaged.
   ••
   Renting somewhere with a friend/s will bring to life that “Joey and Chandler” dream of mine ^_^
3. Find Disney Princess.  Whilst it’s been less than a year since I last played in the “relationship” pool, I’ve done all the mental admin work on clearing out the past and removing the 2 ‘reserved parking’ spaces that were in my heart for 2 previous loves, and being free and ready to go through all the giddy ‘new love’ experience with someone special again .
   ••
   As ‘sappy’ as the above sounds, I think I’ll probably be best putting that sort of thing on hold till I have steady income, I’d hate to be “dating” and not be able to go on actual dates :X.  Plus, from past experience… there is less “trying” involved in finding someone, and it’s more about just letting something naturally bloom .  So even if I’m ready for romantic times…that doesn’t by any means guarantee I will find someone out there that will be wanting to be in-romantics with me.

So yeah.  That’s pretty much my 3 goals for the year.  All are both simple, or complicated depending on how much I want to over think it, but over thinking is something I’ve done too much of in the past, I’m just gonna “keep on keeping on” and let the year roll out.

Kermit’s currently/ recently:

Watching:

• Senna – awesome documentary, so much so it deserves it’s own blog (*thinks about it…)
• Bucky Larson – mediocre “Happy Madison” film.
• The Bridge – Dark documentary about the golden gate bridge and it’s lure for suicide, but an interesting watch for sure.  [2nd time I've seen it now]
• Despicable Me – Delightful, thought it started a bit slow, but by the end I was left <3′ing the characters.
  ••
• The Office [US] – I watched this originally from the pilot episode up to mid-way into Season 4, then just sort of fell out of the loop and never caught up.   Well recently I started over from scratch and I’m loving it more than ever.
• South Park – Various classic episodes via Netflix.  Oh btw…I <3 Netflix.
• Super Mario Bros Super Show – Cheesy childhood nostalgia at it’s finest ^_^
• Eastenders – I’m on approximately my 9th month of having got back into this soap now, and whilst I continue to watch, it’s been a bit weak recently.
  ••
• WWE – Kept up to date, also spent the previous Sunday night in a local bar watching the “Royal Rumble” live with about 75-100 other wrestling fans, good atmosphere.
• TNA Impact Wrestling – not actually been watching the show on tv, but I got an invite to go see a live show down in Manchester last Friday.  Highlight of the night…I’ve now been in the same arena as/ seen Hulk Hogan live.  Woo ^_^

Playing:

• Super Mario 3D Land  [3DS] – Been collecting all gold coins, and all gold flag hits before I take down Bowser.
• Mario Kart Wii [Wii] – Had an awesome 32 track session with 2 friends this past weekend, took 1st place on the last race, good times with good people.
• Resident Evil 4 [XBLA] – One of my top 10 favourite games to date.  Recently been re-playing it on Xbox and having fun with successive new game + playthroughs.
• Super Street Fighter IV: Arcade Edition 2012 [360] – Long game name, yes.  Also marked the first time I’ve played a fighting game in some time too.  Had fun with it, need to get back into SF this year.
• Resident Evil: Revelations [3DS] – Not played much of this since getting it, although from what I’ve played I’ve been super impressed by.  Amazing portable RE game.
• Super Mario 64 [Wii, and as of this past week N64] – Love this game, and want to become speed running proficient at it, MAJOR <3 to my friend Stu for giving me his N64 cart so I can play it with it’s intended controller .

I feel like a finely tuned housewife robot from the future.

• …I’ve got the house to myself
• I’m doing some reverse DIY (taking down a huge cupboard to make room for my wall of shelves).
• I’m catching up on and keeping on top of  some laundry washing/ drying.
• I’ve got some job applications to sort out.
• I’m organising my room/ and tidying up after some Festive build up of boxes and such.
• Need to mop the kitchen… then empty out, clean, and refill Shinx’s Cat Litter tray.
• Need to eBay some things
• …not forgetting the trip to B&Q later to get hold of the shelving stuffs, which I’ll probably won’t to come home and immediately put in place.

Shout outs to productivity!  …it’s definitely a strange contrast to the past 4-5 days – not actually knowing/ caring what day of the week it was, and managing to avoid a few serious hangovers I feel I should have received as punishment for mucho drinking recently.

I’d be a fool to not mention the festive holidays that have just passed too.  Christmas was great.  I brought smiles (and some happy tears) to those whom I gave presents too, and received some hella cool stuff in return too, not to mention I had an amazing Christmas Dinner.  I’m very thankful for that day .

—

I am geekily looking forward to having my shelves up in the next 24-48 hours or so though.  Ever since I moved in here I’ve been wanting to have all my movies, video games, books, magazines, and such all out on show on a wall of shelves.  In fact never in my life to this point have I had a situation where at any given moment I can easily get out and play any video game or any film I own conveniently.

Things have always either been stored in boxes – tucked away under beds, in cupboards, etc.  So it’ll be nice to be able to see my collection of stuff neatly laid out in the open –  and presented in a way that I can easily see it’s growth as the months pass.

Plus as the date stands right now, we’re in that limbo between Christmas and New Years.  I find it sad that soon all the Christmas spirit will be erased as decorations and lights gradually get taken down – and in general there’ll be a lot less smiles on faces too as people get back into the regular hustle of every day life.

Sort of symbolically though… The shelves will jazz up the look and presentation of my room, and it’ll be a nice ‘new look’ going into 2012 .  Speaking of new looks’ though, I’m also contemplating getting my hair cut a bit shorter than I’ve had it for the past couple of years or so.  I’m definitely never [by choice] going back to short hair, but I’m willing to find a middle ground that keeps my hair somewhat rock n roll yet gives me something new to see when I brush my teeth, wash my hands, or straighten my hair.  ^_^

Funky Fresh!

…that’s a wrap on this blog.  Just wanted to drop a little filler blog in here for the time being.  Will follow up with a blog enhanced with the usual pictures and animated gifs etc shortly.

Now — back to that productivity I spoke of

Let me kick off by saying that I can gladly sit here, saying I’m happy and grateful for the life I’ve lived to this point — now, don’t take that as me bragging, I’m simply stating that because I’ve whined in so many blogs about hard times, and depression that it’s refreshing for myself to be able to say that, and for those whom have followed previous blogs of mine, it’ll maybe come as a nice heads up to know that this isn’t another negative blog from myself.

2011 has been an interesting year.  I’ve had a combination of low points (made worse by my general n00b-status when it comes to dealing with depression), but more thankfully — Amidst a few grey moments there have still flourished a number of high points, or moments that make me fist pump into the air and say “yeah!” at the overall state of things.

I’ll tell you (hypothetical blog reader) …It’s nice to finally make a bit of a song and dance, and stamp some progress down when I’m feeling good.  When I feel down, I’ve had a tendency in the past to let it get to me perhaps a LOT worse than I should do.  I’ve written so many blogs about dark periods in my life, simply because I’ve found that sometimes the only way I can get problems or ease the pain is to put my problems in front of me, and share my issues or whatever with the whole wide world — Clearly I know my blog gets a very limited audience of curious Facebook, Twitter, etc friends reading, and a fair share of internet spambots, but for me to of been open about what’s troubling me…even if it’s what others would consider to be highly personal feelings, it helps.  So I did it — “Yatta”.

The point I’m taking way too long to make though is that it’s nice to acknowledge to ones self when you’re happy, and give it as much (if not more) credit as you would to a bad moment in your life — It’s easy to feel like you live through nothing but bad times if you let your mind spend a vast majority of the time feeling like you’re incompatible with this world.  So cherish the ‘true to yourself‘ smile moments.  :)

Now… time to actually blog about stuff.

—-

So.  Let me recap on some of the plot twists in my life recently.

• #1 – I decided to part ways with university
  I spent a lot of time on this decision.  I also spent a lot of time putting the decision off too… In retrospect I’d of taken a pause after completing Year 1 of Game Design.  The reasons for this decision are several…

a) I lost my passion for the course…being a HUGE fan of video games, being apart of making them seemed like a natural thing I’d love to do, but if I was losing the passion to get behind my projects then either that spells out to me that either I wouldn’t want to be a Game Designer for a living, or…the teachers just weren’t delivering the support I needed..to be brutally honest I think it’s both.

b) Being a student was a catalyst for my depression —  Firstly, this comes down to a lack of money, even cutting a bunch of luxuries that I’d love to of bought out of the equation, I still managed to run out of my student funding a lot sooner than I’d of hoped.  Ideally a part time job around my uni hours would’ve been swell, but it’s not as easy to find that without it either adding more stress (via being a crappy job I’d hate waking up for), or…the hours would just cut deep into my social life, and it’s the lack of money to socialise or buy little life perks that’s the reason for the depression aspect in the first place.

It’s possible I’m missing other details that led towards me wanting to ‘press pause’ on University, but overall I’m happy with my decision.  Sure enough I’m in a transition phase were I am now still poor, and looking for full time work…but I foresaw this, so it’s no shock.  Plus, I’ve completed Foundation Art & Design, and Year 1 of Game Design, I have the papers for that.  If I want to re-continue the course in the future, I could do so, so I’ve not exactly thrown anything away, I’ve simply just made a decision that makes more sense and ultimately leads me to be happier at this junction in my life.

–interesting article on someone who wishes they had dropped uni (in part due to depression–

• #2 - Our Cat Simba – My Bro of over 13 years was killed after being hit by a car.
  This was difficult.  It happened about 4 weeks ago now, and for 13 “Simba” was full of life, so this was a sudden loss and crushing blow for me, my sister, and especially my Mum.I guess you could only really truly understand the impact of losing a long term family pet if you’ve ever had a pet you loved, or lost a pet yourself.  They truly are members of the family, they’re adorable joy bringers who make your house the home that it is.One of the biggest things I missed about living at my parents when I moved out again earlier this year was that I’d miss ‘Simba’, and he’d not really understand why I’d disappeared or where too.  It brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart when I’d pop back there and get the chance to see him and hold him…
  

  RIP Simba. You'll always be my bro

  The Saturday night when the accident happened, I was in bits, it was the most I’d cried in a lonnnng time, and still, if I truly think about the whole situation and what I’ve lost, it still remains a source for tears now.  I try to focus my thoughts on the great memories and fun times he brought to me and everyone else back there though, I’m honoured to of been blessed with such an amazing pet for a good chunk of my life, and I’ll remember him like a brother to me forever .

 Gonna montage a few photo’s together soon and do a nice photo piece for Simba and post it to my Tumblr

•  #3 - Potential job lined up.
  This ones a new development (in more ways than one).To put it simply.  A local guy (in Preston) has ambitions and ideas to run an online games store that specialises mostly in used games, the idea in a nutshell is that he’ll beat the prices to either trade in/ buy games off people, as well as beat the prices to sell these used products on to new homes.  How? …well online stores don’t have as many running costs as a standard high street shop have, so it enables him the ability to do good deals.  Better yet, he will deliver games too you, and pick up your consoles/ games/ collections from your home, making it a highly convenient service, and something that I hadn’t really thought but would actually use myself.Anyway, I got talking to the founder of this business prospect through Facebook.  Merely offering him with with some name/ slogan ideas in a poll he posted, from there he contacted me with thanks for what I offered, and not before long we went into some serious chit chat about his business, his ideas for growth, the developing of the website and much much more…Getting too the “job potential” part of this.  He had a short deadline to get a site in place, and get all the branding done for his social network sites, and so forth.  Pair that with the fact someone he had contacted to help him out with some things become unreachable during a severe time of need, and thus I did a bit of ‘new friend in need’ volunteer work for the guy.  Starting with me designing his company logo, and then webbing out into a vast array of other imagery and helpful deeds for the guy.
  

  this logo has even been showcased in the local paper, made me feel proud of myself, heh ^_^

  Thanks to that – He’s stated that as soon as the business takes off to a point were steady profit is coming in, I’m hired .
  Given my support for his business concept and his ideas of growth for the business I would very much love to make a living out of helping that seed potentially grow into one of Preston’s go-to sources for video games and such.

  More on that in coming weeks no doubt…   for now you can check out “www.JoystickMafia.com” for more information, and be sure to follow on Twitter and Facebook too.

  This was my first real experience of doing some design work for someone other than myself, and it was very humbling for someone to be pleased with my work and have potentially got myself a cool job opportunity because of it.

  If you want to contact me about maybe doing some commission work for yourself or your company, then send me an email at “kermit[at]kusohappens.com”  I’m sure I’d do it for much cheaper than some so called “professionals” out there. 

   

• #4 “Shinx”
  More Cat News! My housemate’ (Pete) Momma became aware of a cat that had been made homeless next door to her partner.  Not wanting to see a good cat live such a bad life, she asked Pete if we’d potentially want to give it a stable home.  Pete said yes, and as of yesterday we have a new addition to our home.  ”Shinx” (named after a type of Cat Pokemon).She’s adorable.  I’m perhaps biased as somewhat of a cat lover, but she truly is very cute.  She is nervous and confused at the moment (after having lived for approximately 2-3 months homeless, and before that her owners were a pair of alcoholics apparently), she’s travelled nearly 2 hours or so across the country from where she was, and having stayed at Petes’ Moms’ Boyfriends’ house, then Petes’ Moms house, plus all the travelling, there is no doubt that Shinx must be somewhat confused, and she did seem very nervous when she first arrived here, but she’s definitely making progress and taking too us all here, which is beautiful to see, and I can vouch she’ll get a very caring environment from all of us here.
  
  It does seem a bit sudden to me personally to have a new cat in my life after losing the greatest feline friend I may ever know, and it does stir up sad memories when I find myself reminded of how “Simba” is gone — but I’ve got a big heart, and “Shinx” has had some hard times, so nothing in the past has a bearing on the future.  I already love “Shinx” and think she’s adorable and very elegant ^_^.  She needs stability and love and she’s getting that.  Already she has made the house we live in feel more like a “home” and have more personal too it.  Gotta love pets – “Boots” Depression tips, mentions how pets are good to aid help ^_^ –

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That’s a wrap on this blog…

  There’s plenty I am sure I’ve forgot to touch upon, as well as stuff (like the upcoming Holidays) that I’ve left out because I didn’t want to stretch this blog too far, and it gives me more motivation to get back into a regular blogging habit again

So…for anyone who likes dabbling in my goings on, I’m sorry for the drought, and there’ll be more from me shortly.

Adios Amigo’s

Kermit

———————

Kermit is Currently/ Recently:

Playing:

• Zelda: Skyward Sword [Wii] – AWESOME! — Ranks high up there with OoT and Wind Waker for me easily.
• Mario Kart 7 [3DS] – AWESOME! — Best portable Mario Kart so far imo
• Super Mario 3D Land [3DS] – AWESOME! — Great blend of 2D and 3D Mario games
• King of Fighters XIII [360] – Great return to form for the series, just hope I can put the time in to “get” ok at the game.
• Dead Rising 2: Off the Record [360] – Love the series, having fun levelling up and milking fun out of the game
• Bastion [XBLA] – Played only about 30mins so far, but can see myself enjoying this game quite a bit.

Watching:

• Elf – Awesome way to kick off my festive movie/ tv watching season.
• The Hangover: Part II – Much better than I expected, great sequel.
• 30 Minutes or Less – Again, much much better than I’d of expected.
• Jimmy Carr – Being Funny [2011] – Good stuff
• Eastenders / WWE Raw – My soaps ^_^
• The Walking Dead Season 2 – Enjoying it so far, not quite as good as Season 1, but still some good Zombie survival fun
• Dexter Season 6 – Nice twists, great season, I think Dexter is probably my favourite running show on TV since it’s start.

First up.  I think I may have broke a toe.  Today whilst rushing out of the kitchen I accidentally kicked a bunch of stacked doors in the hallway and let’s just say “Foot” vs “A stack of Fireproof house doors” is a 1 sided match :\.  If it is broken, it’ll be my 1st broken bone.  I’ve stood on and kicked numerous things by accident before but never in my life have I felt the weird shooting pain I’m getting from todays incident, so hence my reason to think this could be a real deal break-age.

What I need to do right now is to electrocute myself.  if cartoons have taught me anything…it’s that being electrocuted makes you flash and reveal your skeleton, and then whilst doing that I could see for myself if I’ve got a break, or a fracture or whatever…FREE X-RAY!!

 I know of a bunch of people who’ve actually broken there toe and manage to live ok with it and have it heal just on it’s own, so I’ll go down that route unless things get worse.  I’m sat on my bed right now and I can actively feel the pain in my foot, so that kind of sucks.  However it’s much worse when I’m trying to figure out what I can and can’t do with standing on my left leg at the moment because when I put weight into the front area of my left foot…well, it’s a pain (literally).  -Not looking forward to how it may swell, and how tomorrow may be even worse than today when it comes to putting trainers on my feet, or balancing on 1 leg whilst I slip the other leg into a pair of jeans.

Cool Story Bro.

In theory I shouldn’t have turned to doing some blogging right now :\  I got some Uni work I need to get out of the way (damn them starting us out with deadlines already).  Plus I got a bunch of things I want to eBay, need to raise money for a number of things, most of them personal treats.

— Shout outs to Retail Therapy ^_^ –

No doubt I’ll be sharing any awesome purchases with the world through social network places or a blog post when said purchizzles are made.  I think priority number 1 though is a new bike.  It’s important for my own mobilities sake that I have a bike these days, currently I’m using a bike a friend leant me (too whom I’ve super appreciated the sentiment), but I need something that’s “me”, plus I’ve had a bmx purchase on my wish list for TOO long, so it’s about time I put some focus into making that simple wish a reality .

Oh and it wasn’t just me that got hurt today either.  My Playstation 3 is pretty much dead.  So now I’m hoping Sony give at least a 2 year warranty on them, because I only bought the PS3 Slim in Jan 2010 :\.  Means no Blu-Ray watchings for me for a while …I’ll have to look online on there website about how I go about getting it fixed or replaced etc.

Kinda sucks cause it means I’ll get teased with “Beauty and the Beast” on Blu-Ray by Disney soon (thanks to my DisneyMovieRewards loyalty ^_^), but then I rely on my PS3 for Blu-Ray’s.  :P!

Anywho.  I gotta eat.  Have more things I could write about (as always), but I’ll roll things over into another blog this weekend perhaps ^_^.

Til then, adios!

Kermit x

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Kermit is Currently/ Recently:

Playing:

• Tatsunoko vs Capcom [Wii]
• Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike Online Edition [XBLA]
• Starfox 64 3D [3DS]
• Balloon Fight [NES] – (more specifically…Game C:  Balloon Trip)
• Dance Dance Revolution: Disney Grooves [Wii]
• Taiko No Tatsujin [Wii]

Technically my last blog was just over a month ago, although that didn’t really feel like the usual “blog” for me seeing as it was more of a video tour blog last time, but anyway let me move forward with this blog.

This will pretty much just be a ‘catch up’ blog, to which I’ll start with the present… and then just roll back to previous things (as done in several films). ^_^

Yesterday I got my “kermit” on in a more literal sense by going swimming for the first time in years.  Felt great, I love being in the water, nice exercise too.  Later that day I had my friend Sean come round, we sang are asses off with some Rock Band 2, then headed out for some drinks with friends.  Everything was all good until BAM!  I lost all control of myself out of nowhere.  The only thing I can think of as to how that happened is that I had one of my drinks spiked.  Pretty much ruined my night and it’s totally shot my motivation to go out again any time soon .  Today I woke up fine (health-wise), no hangover to complain about, and no random bodily injuries from attempting break dancing or anything dumb like that.  The HUGE downer of today though?…  Turns out last night I lost my wallet…or had it stolen whilst I was rendered useless by whatever was in my system.

Farewell my Pulp Fiction “Bad Motherfucker” Wallet I had, plus the £30ish I had in there.  Hello to the inconvenience of having to get a new drivers license, new bank cards, and replace all my damn store/ loyalty cards I had.  Not Cool.

Yesterdays highs and lows aside… Summer 2011 has been pretty good (aside from the mucho’s of rain).

Like you may already know…I move out.  That’s been a great experience, I love my new room, having more space, doing full shops for myself again, the feeling of independence, and millions of other little perks that come with having moved out.  I’ve STILL not got round to hooking my room up with some awesome shelving so I can showcase and conveniently get to my fairly substantial DVD and Video Game collection, but I’ll get round to that soon when I have some loose money to throw at that.

just chillingz

I’m currently ‘inbetween’ anti-depressants at the moment.  I got back on anti-depressants around about July this year after having a gradual build up of self loathing and the familiar dark times I dealt with in the past when I first came to really understand that depression existed (and that I had it).  Citalopram (which I was on) has started to mess with my sleeping pattern and some other issues, so now I need to go see the docs and get them to switch me onto something else, too which I’m just gonna have to hope I don’t end up with any other side effects from :\.  Lames.  Talked too much about depression in past blogs though, so long story short; the pills worked for me.

My summer holidays from school are over now , my uni classes resumed as normal this past week.  On the one hand it’s good being back to student life again in the “learning new stuff” sense, but then on the other hand…I kind of liked the care-free life I’ve had going on over summer :\ heh.  Fingers crossed that I do a better job of being organised in my 2nd year…at least things won’t seem as stressful if I give myself more time to do things, etc.

I think I’m looking forward to winter coming now, the fact Christmas is in the middle of that helps.  I’ve partied quite a lot over Summer, and it feels kind of about time to slow the partying down.  Tis the season for cosy indoor times, although those times would be infinitely more appealing if I had a significant other to share those times with, pffft single-dom.  Oh and speaking of winter… I can’t wait to see what our house looks like all Christmas’d up this year too.  I’ve had chats with my house mate Pete about how we should be THAT house on the street thats gone way over the top with christmas lights, too which he very much approves, hehe .  I still think I want to celebrate Hanukkah this year too.  I’m not Jewish, but then again I wouldn’t say I’m religiously entitled to Christmas either, but the way I see it… the more reasons and more days to celebrate, the better .

 Found myself watching a lot of 9/11 related stuff around the 10th anniversary of the day, with that came an influx of tears, naturally.  Still find it hard to believe such an evil thing happened, and still feel sickened by the amount of innocent lives lost.  I hate being reminded of the evil in the world.

Surprisingly (to myself) I’ve still not done a blog on when I got hit by a car a few months back.  I have a near complete ‘draft’ I wrote a while ago on it that I should probably read over and post up, it was quite a defining day for sure.  Of course I’m happy to of come out of that alive and without any bone breaks, but I’ve put things in motion to get some compensation out of the accident too.  I try to put my mind on the thought of a small return from that, but I got friends constantly reminding me of how I should get big money from what happened.  If that’s the case then in 2012 I’m definitely gonna hit up both USA and Japan with the cash, have myself some “holidays of a lifetime” type moments.  That’ll be nice (and long overdue) .

That’s a wrap on this blog.  It’s been nice getting some words out onto the internets again, and with summers departure I can definitely see myself getting back into a regular routine with blogging again too, same goes with Tumblr and YouTube…need to get back into that stuff more regularly.

  For anyone who stuck it out and read through this, gracias amigo

Adios (till the next one).

Kermit

x

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Kermit is Currently/ Recently:

Watching:

• An Idiot Abroad [Season 2]
• Eastenders – <3
• …and giving Hollyoaks another shot at holding my attention.
• WWE
• Curb Your Enthusiasm [Season 8] – <3′d it
• The Social Network – Decent film
• Bridesmaids – Still love it! chick flick or not…I don’t care ^_^
• Lords of Dogtown
• Exit through the Gift Shop

…I didn’t actually know it’d been nearly 3 weeks since I last blog’d though, so big boo! to myself for letting it get that long.  Although if you’re the kind of person that gets a kick out of what I have to say and what I’ve been up to, then you might well get your moneys worth out of this blog.

That’s a fact you can’t deny that…seeing as my blogs are free, unless you’re super aweosme and would like to press the “donate/ chip in” button) on the right side bar , getting paid for writing or entertaining others is but a dream of mine.

Begging aside.  Like I said in this blog’s title,  I’ve moved.  So I’d be a sucker to not talk about that, because it’s been HIGHLY eventful, and HIGHLY exciting.

Firstly.  I’d like to give a big shout out to my friends Pete and Emma for giving me a great opportunity to move out of my room at my parents and move in with them.  I love my new room here and more so than that I love the house, I love the area…long story short, there’s a lot of love for this whole moving scenario.

As a bonus to moving, I feel sooO rejuvenated to have moved out of my parents once again.  I have a feeling of independence again, and I totally had undersold how much that feeling meant to me in life (as I’ve gone without it for like 3 years).  So it’s just very uplifting to have some sense of ‘being an adult’ back in my life, to counter how damn childish I am in other area’s ^_^.

Also, to reluctantly bring up my bouts with ‘depression’ again…  This move has definitely helped that too.  I feel A LOT happier and uplifted in my day to day living.  Sure enough I still pop a Citalopram each night (anti-depressant) as a back up (because a fragile depressed mind can always wander…) but I honestly had nothing but improvements to speak of when I spoke to a doctor, giving her an update on how I was doing etc on the previous Wednesday.  That’s Win!

I could totally go into a lot more detail about all the little perks of having moved, but I think I’ll save all that for the next blog, as I’ve already got more than enough content lined up for this blog as it is :S, hehe.

So …without further a do, let me bring in a rare moment of video blogging…

**DISCLAIMER**

I officially talk too much.  A ‘quick’ ‘beta’ room tour video of my room as it is now came out at 20mins.  Soon, I want get some shelves sorted and make a few changed before I’d consider it ‘complete’.

To the point though.  I’d suggest you go make a tea/ coffee, or grab yourself a beer/ beverage…and possibly a snack, as I’m a keep your butt in your seat for 20mins unless your going to get trigger happy with skipping forward :/.

Apologies for talking a bit too fast in the video too.  I knew I had to be quick to ensure it wasn’t too long (kinda failed still) so I was trying to be rushy which resulted in some possibly unclear commentary from myself.  I also need to get use to my HD Video cam’s mic too.

More [textual] blogging coming soon ^_^

Adios Amigo’s

Kermit… x

Some years back I moved out for the first time ever! with an ex-girlfriend, keyword there being “ex”.  Thus when it fell through I had to move again, and the only safe option at the time (albeit not very enticing) was to move back home with my parents, etc.

I’ll be blunt.  Living here has sucked.  It’s here in this house that I first knowingly developed depression, it’s not the houses fault, and not so much the other occupants faults, but life situations and timing meant it was here in this very room where I’m typing this very blog from… that I had some insanely negative moments in life.  Although if you want to know more on that, see my last blog post.

The room I had to accept when coming back here isn’t my once spacious old bedroom, but a small utility room that my dad believed could become another bedroom, although given the fact the room is like 2 metre by 1 metre in size, it’s not even adequate really enough to be a prison cell :S.

This blog however is to be a positive and exciting one, so let me get on with that side of things.

A couple of months ago, a little home related ‘vent’ via a Facebook status update ended up netting me an offer from my friend Pete regarding renting there spare room of the house he has with his wife Emma (to whom I played the role of “best man” at their wedding in 2010 ^_^).  I jumped at the offer, but had slight reservations because I figured; “this has got to be too good to be true”… because the opportunity to move out seemed very distant at the time, and the only things I could think of would be to move out into uni halls, which to do so can come with a lot of negatives I find…so to live with friends, in a real house! is much more ideal.

As time went on it became more and more clear it was official that I could move there, and thus my excitement grew, although truthfully it’s only been the past 2 weeks were the fact that I am moving has really sank in.  I’ve told both my parents I’m moving (to little reaction – which I sort of expected), and this very week I’ve got a real feeling of my escape.

 Every gripe I could have with this house is something I can smile and think “ah well, I’ll be gone soon“.  Every socially awkward situation with my parents (due to us being pretty distant), or any annoyed feeling I could generate over the lack of space I have in my room are things I can begin waving goodbye too.

Today (Monday) especially has been a key point in this transition, “why?” you may ask… Well today I began packing some stuff for this weekend when I move out

The only reason I took a break from packing today is that I ran out of the initial few boxes I had around here.

Tomorrow I’ll throw some of my old clothes I never wear any more in to one of the charity donation bag things that are often posted through the door, and round up the clothes I do intend to hang onto etc.  If I can find any more boxes in the garage then I’ll possibly pack a few more games or consoles.  Speaking of which, any one can feel free to donate some retro video games too me as a housewarming gift, they’ll definitely go to a good home, and get played ^_^ hehe.

I’ll leave you with a photo of what the place I’m moving too looks like (from whenever Google StreetView photographed it), along with some oberservations made from the photo.

Click to enlarge

Adios!

Kermit

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Oh Depression… You make me laugh.

Actually you don’t…or should I hopefully and optimistically say… you didn’t.

You make it so the very first thing I do in the morning is check myself out in the mirror whilst I’m in my boxer shorts, and pick faults with myself, no positives, negativity wins everytime!  Ensuring my day starts on a low note.

INSECURE

Flames of insecurity are  a’blaze!  Even though I know I’m not overweight…  I have Wii Fit telling me I’m ideal, I’ve googled medical charts, and several medical internet guidelines say I should weigh more for my height and age…

Yet I seem to take each and every day with this overbearing fear that I’m stepping on a thin line of being whatever it is I’m classed as being now, to slipping into mediocrity or something the f**king awful ideals set by the world media would class as bad or “unsexy”.

Measures to keep weight off involve things from a simple lack of appetite or lack of food I’d want to eat, to the more extreme  measures of feeling guilty for eating certain things on days I don’t feel I’ve ‘earnt’ the privilege for that many calories, and thus I’ve dabbled in bulemia.

You could look at me and call me foolish or something much worse to try and tell me I look ok… but I can shake off any such compliment faster than a rattlesnake can shake it’s tail.

In fact that is part of the reason I strive to be in love.  The only times I’ve ever truly been able to believe I’m good enough is when someone I care enough to say “I love you” too has given me some sort of positive re-enforcement to how I look.

Depression makes me lay awake in bed at night, whether it be eyes closed, or staring into dark space in my room…  I’ll just lay there, rolling all the worries my negative heavy mind can conjure up into what seems like an uncontrollable and unfixable mess of an existence. So then it gets to a point were I have so many worries on my minds plate at one time, that the only escape out of such a thought process is to start investing time into thinking of how I can exit this world?… this life?… and just free myself from constantly going through a living process of day to day self hate and having a cloud-like feeling of unworthiness follow me around.

In early 2009 it was an overdose on prescription medicines (paracetamols, aspirin, ibuprofen) that was going to be my escape.  I’d even bought a bunch of them inevitably for that sole purpose, but I pussied out when I heard about how painful the death would be (and I felt as though I was in enough pain as it was) my death was supposed to be freeing… and not another hurdle.  This was back before I even believed “depression” existed, and more note-worthy to myself, it was before I’d seen a doctor about how I was.

In more recent times I think I’d narrowed it down to either putting myself through a hanging, sleeping pills (and hoping I’d be gone before my insides started to burn), or even by the means of a gun (if I could get hold of one).

The thing is, I seem to have a tendency of putting too much faith into something I perceive to be positive, and then if said positive thing fails, I’d let that go on a domino effect path of destruction through tearing through the rest of my life.  That’s just how it was.  I was weak.  To further demonstrate this weakness, I even turned to something I’d never done before.

That thing in question…Self harm.  I’ve known people who’ve given that a shot before, I even know people that are still susceptible to such things (whom I’ll keep in strict personal confidence).  My self harm examples can only really be narrowed down to 3 particular instances though.  Twice this year I have taken a blade to myself, and tried to see if cutting myself would relieve me of the feelings of personal hatred in exchange for a release, maybe even a nice distraction from the pain of the cut itself, but I think I’ve found that self harm just isn’t for me.  At the end of the day I will always have the problem to face, so self harm just isn’t worth it for me, just like how I’ve never turned to excess alcohol or drug use to escape from such things.  You can’t run from certain life problems, and you certainly can’t outrun depression.

The final instance of self harm was in 2008, after breaking up with a girl I lived with at the time.  We were sleeping in separate rooms and I was burdened with the idea that I’d made a mistake in splitting us up, I also had numerous other worries when looking forward also.  So, whilst faced with self inflicted pressure, I was really struggling to sleep, I was in tears, and I just wanted to sleep and see if tomorrow could be any better…my solution?  That was to knock myself unconcious, that seemed smart and justified at the time, so I got a hammer and proceeded to beat myself in the head with it, I didn’t simply grab it by the handle and pound on my head like there was a nail to put in, I grabbed it further up closer to the hammer grit my teeth and just sort of repeatedly and forcibly knocked at myself until dizziness was inescapable.  That is perhaps one of the lowest points in my life, doing something so stupid to myself, but in my mind at the time it seemed so right.

I’d told the doctors about that hammer related incident though, in fact I’ve been completely honest to all the question that I have been asked by my doctors about everything related to my depression, I’m sure there are few minor things they haven’t asked that are worth mentioning, but for the most part I am 100% happy with the amount I’ve openly confessed to them, and thus given that a lot better understanding of my personal situation and perhaps maybe that’s why I have been given anti-depressants (Citalopram) that help me, were as I have heard numerous stories of people being on anti-depressants that simply haven’t helped them.

The most important thing I’d want anyone to take away from this blog.  ESPECIALLY those who feel as though they have been able to relate is the fact that you can’t hide from it, you NEED help.  I was surprised beyond belief how caring and understanding my doctor’s were when I open up to them about my depression.  

Without there help there is no doubt about the fact that I would not still be here (alive) today.  The only moments of weakness I’ve had in my life, such as the examples of self harm, and the vast majority of time spent bordering on having an actual eating disorder, have been during times when I was NOT on anti-depressants.  I’ve come off anti-depressants twice in my life since getting on them in Jan 2009, once was around August 2009, and the other was November 2010.  I’ve been back on anti-depressants now for around a month, and whilst a couple of things in my life have looked up in the past couple of weeks, I definitely tip my hat to anti-depressants for having helped me.

Finally got some Peace & Happiness back in my life

No longer am I laying awake in bed at night worrying.  Sure I have plenty of things I ‘could’ worry about, but they just don’t seem to get to me that much, my smile shines brighter in recent weeks, and from here on out I feel as though I will remain a stronger person.  The plus side too that?  No more blogs like this one.  This will hopefully be my last blog regarding depression for a looong time I hope .  In fact the only reason I decided to do this blog -during a time I’d say that I am happy- is simply because I find that confessing about how I feel and writing them out in blogs helps me lay out things in front of me and deal with them better.  In this case I have already dealt with the core of the problems I had, but I figured I’d write this blog anyway just to sort of put a bookmark in my life.

One other important reason for a blog like this is simply to try and help anyone else out there going through a similar sort of state of living.  You’re not alone.

Whether you’re a friend of mine, or someone who’s got here through a google search…don’t hide from depression, don’t put yourself through misery, speak to doctors, speak to friends, write your feelings down.  It all helps, and from there it gets better.  Trust me.

I’m licensed to drive.  I have been since I was 18, and for a couple of years I did have my own car.  A crappy ’93 corsa (my “shizmobile”) that gave me a lot of fun memories (although by that I don’t mean I got laid in it, in fact I’ve never had car sex).

In fact I actually have a 5+ year old video on my YouTube of one such fun yet reckless memory in that car.  See below…

Eventually that car was costing way too much to keep running compared to it’s actual value, so I had to make the harsh decision to have it “cubed”.  As in, the scrap yard took it, and no doubt it eventually succumbed to a crushing (may it rest in pieces).

Ever since then I’ve took a more “green” way of getting around my home city, which is perhaps ironic for a guy under the nickname of “Kermit”.  By “green” though I mean I’ve been walking a lot, there have been instances were I’ve skateboarded about too, but generally there are too many areas of Preston were the roads and sidewalks just aren’t smooth enough for a satisfying journey, so sometimes skateboarding is more hassle than fun in terms of getting from a to b.

I really enjoy walking around though.  ESPECIALLY if I have my iPod with me.  One of my joys in life is having a nice walk to or from some place whilst either catching up on podcasts I listen too, or letting “shuffle” try and do right by my ears in terms of giving me songs I’m hype about listening too.  Another key thing I really enjoy about walking is the fact that it’s exercise, and a nice enhancement too that exercise aspect came earlier this year when I got an iPhone (sorry for the double Apple product referencing in this blog), although more specifically it’s “Runkeeper” that deserves the credit, it’s just that it so happens to be a great free app for iPhone.

Runkeeper allows me to use the iPhones GPS tracking to monitor my walks about the city, and once I’m done it tracks the route I took, the time it took, and the calories burnt, which is a neat little bit of information too have, especially considering I do like to get my fair share of exercise in life because I’m somewhat of an over critical person when it comes to feeling good about my body, plus I don’t like having too be too worried about what I eat, I want to be able to eat whatever I want, so exercise allows me to do that guilt free for the most part.

Now.  As fun as walking is…it can take it’s time to get places, and some part of the city were I have friends at or places I’d want to visit are a little unrealistic or unappealing for me to walk too.  So for a while I’ve been meaning to get myself a BMX, as far back as September 2009, but I just either kept putting it off, or just didn’t have the money.

Then.  Nearly 2 months or so ago, a friend of mine hooked me up with her bike that she doesn’t use that much for me to get around on.  To her I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal as it wasn’t an expensive bike, plus she seemed kinda “whatever” over the fact of if the bike got stolen.  To me though it was a hella cool gesture of her to offer it me.  I feel as though I’m living in an RPG like “Pokémon”, or like I’ve done a good deed in “Animal Crossing” and I’ve been given a bike because of that.

The bike is kind of ghetto (but that’s cool cause I like ghetto).  There is a handlebar grip missing, the back wheel is slightly buckled, the gears don’t change as fast as they probably should, and the brakes are terrible.  Also, the bike is like a metallic pinky purple colour, so it’s not exactly masculine, and I think I’ve lost some of the respect from the neighbourhood kids here that used to think I was this cool big brother guy that skateboarded and could jump high, were as now I’m probably “lol! it’s that guy on a girly bike”, but to be honest I really don’t care about how people portray me.

I’m just loving the fact I have a new means of transport.  I can get to places in like a third or a quarter of the time it used to take me to get to by walking, and given my high tolerance for random exploration, pretty much nowhere in the city is off limits to me now.  Which is a plus for many reasons, most notably in the ability to meet up with friends a LOT more conveniently.  Plus up until this year I probably had gone about 4-5 years without riding a bike, so it’s been a refreshing experience to be cycling around again.  Heck! I’ve even cycled home from nights out, which is both sobering, and weirdly enough, it’s probably safer than my drunken walks home.

Mrs - A to B!

The actual inspiration for this blog came to me yesterday though.  [Yesterday at the time of writing was July 14th...FYI]

See.  Yesterday I made plans to hook up with my friend Sam to enjoy some of the great sun in the park (which we’ve done a LOT of in the past 2-3 weeks), instead of going directly to the park near him though, I had to first head to the city centre to pick up a Resident Evil figurine I’d bought online (as you do).  Due to this I got to take a nice little detour to the city centre and from there to the docklands on my way to the park in question, and given the fact it was such a beautiful day the whole trip was made all the more enjoyable.

July 14th --> Left: Docks // Right: Ashton Park

 Once at the park I sunbathed, to the sounds of some music thanks to my iPod and speakers I brought with, and just had random conversation with my buddy Sam.  After a while though he had to bail, I stuck around in the sun some more, reading a magazine (seeing as the sun was causing too much screen glare for me to play my 3DS or classic GameBoy that I’d brought).  Then eventually I figured I’d head off home…

However!  ”Home” was the last place it would seem I was heading if you saw me riding the streets of Preston that afternoon (and knew where I lived).  I’m not sure if I should actually credit it to some good tunes coming on on my iPod whilst riding, or if it was the weather, or if it was just my inner desire to do something different….  See, instead of simply heading home, I took a massive detour through some area’s I’ve not seen in years, and some routes I’ve never even been down before, all whilst smiling back at other cyclists and joggers as I rode by, and just generally had a really happy fulfilling trip.

Turns out in total (thanks again, Runkeeper) I’d racked up around 15 and a half miles of cycling yesterday afternoon, and the fact I had to make most of the journey topless (due to it being far too hot to ride with my thin t-shirt I had on) meant I got some extra tanning time in whilst I travelled, bonus “hooray!” to that ^_^.  Overall though it was a really great experience, and not even something I’d actually set out that day thinking or expecting I’d do.

Great Journey