If you’re not into video games, you may as well stop reading here, but don’t go away sad…here’s some YouTube suggestions:

• Monkey Spa
• Hilarious Star Wars Episode 1: Phantom Menace Review
• 50 Internet Meme’s in under 100 seconds
• I’m a Korean (Black eyed Peas parody)
• David after Dentist (Kid on Drugs)

Right, so…non-gamers distracted, it’s time to get down to my picks!

I’m kicking off with XBLA (xbox live arcade) because I did a list on my top XBLA picks last year which went down quite well, plus the fact my XBLA to retail 360 game ratio is probably higher than most people I know so I’m definitely at liberty to talk about these amazing downloadable games that I forever continue to support .  I’ll have another blog shortly on my best retail games for Xbox 360 and Wii very soon.
–note: a lot of the bold text within this article are clickable links (if reading from kusohappens.com)

First off this list consists only of games I have played…if I haven’t played it, it’s not on there, I do however have many an XBLA game though, so I’m highly in doubt I’ll of missed anything that would of made it into this top 5.  Secondly, this list consists of games released in 2009.  So as much as I still love Bionic Commando: Rearmed, Duke Nukem, Bomberman LIVE, etc….they’re from years gone by.  So, on with the list…!

5.  Worms 2: Armageddon

Firstly I’m a big fan of the “Worms” series.  I first got a taste of it way back on my original Playstation, it was a quick pick up and play strategy/ action game, and until my first taste of playing “Worms” I had never played anything like it.  I followed up my Worms joy with several of the sequels on PC, as well as some love on the N64.  Since then Team 17 (who make the Worms games) have attempted to take it into 3D, but not to the same success.  Worms 2 on XBLA takes it back to it’s fine 2D roots, adds pretty much everything that the first game didn’t have and adds a ton of modes.  I’ve had a couple of really close really great matches with friends on XBLA and writing this makes me want more…so if you’re a fan of worms, GET THIS, and invite me to a game

4. Outrun Online Arcade

Outrun, one of the Sega franchises that has never stopped delivering for me.  If you’ve never played an OutRun game before then consider your fool ass pitied.  OutRun is a legendary Arcade racer from the greatness that is Yu Suzuki.  I first got to try OutRun in a bar that was at the Donnington race track when I was about 5 or 6, I’ve not played every game in the series but it’s a series I hold much love for, not just for it’s great arcade racing gameplay, but also for it’s music ^_^,  I’ve had “Passing Breeze” and “Splash Wave” as songs stuck in my head for a loooong time.  Getting back to what’s important though, the gameplay!  I can’t really compare OutRun to anything as it’s just OutRun, it has that classic arcade feel and a tight but unrealistic drift mechanic.  You have branching paths, all visually different and entertaining to drive through that offer great diversity, a great scoring system for those of you who chase leaderboard places, as well as “Heart Attack” mode where you must please your ‘in-game’ girlfriend by completing little objectives within each section.  This game also really honours that old “hard to master” feel, I’ve been in and out of OutRun games for a long time, I know how it works, and I generally do alright, however I know there’s sooo much room for personal improvement, and it’s nice how the achievements in this game seperate the casuals to the people that have really studied and practiced (similar things can be said for Street Fighter series).  Get the Demo off LIVE and give it a shot, ideally buy the full game and get down with some modernized classic arcade racing.
–If you’re on GameFaqs, check out the GameFaqs OutRun Online Arcade message boards for tips and chatter from vets.
–and perhaps go look into getting hold of some of the OutRun soundtrack remixes that are out there on the internet.


3. Battlefield 1943

Battlefield 1943 is a new 2009 addition to EA’s ongoing “Battlefield” series.  It’s basically an online-only First Person Shooter.  You can ONLY play this in multiplayer mode ONLINE.  So if you don’t have LIVE you’re missing out on this.  This is a great pick up and play first person shooter, and considering it’s an XBLA game you could easily think this game was the work of several gigabytes of data on a disk.  Now, I’m putting this list out on the final day of 2009, and no doubt a lot of 360 users reading this will be like “ah well…I’m catered for with Modern Warfare 2″ but you’d be mistaken to think that.  As Battlefield 1943 although the same game genre has a lot of differences, firstly there is the fact you have different classes to choose from, and secondly they’re are vehicles! (Jeeps, Tanks, Boats, and Planes) which really can add a lot of extra fun to the game (rampaging in a jeep while some random online mans the turret is always fun!), there are only 3 maps (and a 4th plane only map), but each map is quite extensive and in a good room of people things never seem to get old.  Plus like Modern Warfare 2 has it’s emblems system to keep you trying new or unusual things online, Battlefield 1943 has it’s “stamps” system of a similar nature.  BF1943 has been my FPS multiplayer experience of the year so far…I don’t have MW2 yet, but I really appreciate the feel to BF1943, it doesn’t feel too serious, yet it is still competitive and fun!
As of writing, today is Dec 31st 2009.  BF1943 is RUMOURED to be Microsofts NYE countdown deal of the day.  400 points instead of 1200, if that is true, and you have XBOX LIVE access, you’d be a right n00b to skip that offer.


2. Trials HD

Trials HD sort of came out of nowhere for me this year.  I heard about it about a month before release, and I was excited to get it as part of this years “Summer of Arcade”, and thanks to an enticing cashback deal in place for buying every Summer of Arcade release I knew I would be getting this game regardless of whether or not it was amazing or mediocre…and thankfully it was definitely not the latter .  A lot of you may have played the original to this game on numerous internet flash game websites near 10 years ago or so…I know I did.  The goal of this game is very simple, control your rider from left to right of the many MANY levels in the game.  You have full control over your rider, but to master those controls is key.  You’re scored on being able to get through a stage as fast as possible with as few a crashes as possible.  The stages in the game start from really easy and progressively get insanely hard.  The progression through the games main mode is great, and offers an amazing level of challenge.  Then on top of that you have mini-games to bring in some extra fun, and last but not least…full leaderboard support.  So not only can you see how you rank against the world, but you can see how you fair up against your friends who have the game, and get a good impression of whom has really put in the time (and retries) into kicking a stages ass.  Oh and how can I forget this game offers an amazing track editor tool, although the developers need to add a way of uploading to a main server and giving people the chance to rate them, at the moment it’s restricted to friends only, although that issue doesn’t bring down the game.  This ranks so high on my list this year simply because it satisfies the short bursts fun that I want from an XBLA game, as well as offering me plenty of areas to better myself in.  The DLC is decent too, and I hope there is more of it…

Now…those clued up on XBLA probably know what number 1 will be already…

1. Shadow Complex

I first really took notice of Shadow Complex when I saw clips of it from E3 this year.  If you checked out my 2009 list you’ll notice I gave number 1 to Bionic Commando: Rearmed, which was an updated side scrolling action game originally for NES.  Shadow Complex is a side scrolling action game, however it’s original, it comes from some great game designers, and it takes inspiration from some of the best side scrolling action games of gaming history.  You’re simply a man, out walking with a girl in the woods…girl gets kidnapped, and you have to save her… right? It’s a familiar story in the world of video games, however in this you’re not jumping on Goombas or hopping through stage after stage to an end boss… In Shadow Complex you’re in 1 big map, played out in 2D (similar to Super Metroid and Castlevania: Sotn…to which this game takes some un-denied inspiration).  You initially start off unarmed with no advantages whatsoever, however the game directs you on a path of great progression, not only do you find a lot of gadgets and weapons to give you more ass kicking abilities throughout the game, but you also gain experience from disposing enemies and such which translates into level progression which upgrades several of you’re abilities, so you can play for a while, improve your basic skills, and then start a new game from scratch at whatever level you got upto (similar to Dead Rising).  I thoroughly enjoyed playing this game to the very end, and I will definitely be going through it several more times just because I enjoyed it THAT much (and also the other achievements I guess :p heh), not only is the action and gameplay great, but that exploration feel you get is amazing, constantly seeing things you know you’ll want to come back to and explore further when you have improved weapons/ skills etc, the world map is on your side too, helping you by leaving indicators on the map in rooms where you’ve clearly found a secret that you just can’t get too yet.  It’s been a while since I’ve found a game that’s hooked me to the point where I’ve wanted to find 100% of all the hidden items in a game, but this game was just a blast to do it in. I could be critical now and say 1 or 2 slight gripes I had with the game, but this isn’t a review I’m writing, and overall there is just too much praise to give for Shadow Complex that the downsides are very minor in comparison.  Anyway, words can’t really do it the justice this game needs, you really need to play it for yourself, have fun with it (you don’t need to play it all in one sitting [although that'd take ages]), just enjoy it, and then sit next to me as I patiently hope and wait for a sequel.  :)

Now to finish this list, I’m going to mention a game that could’ve potentially stolen this list’s top spot… a game that will no doubt be in my top 5 in 12 months time… a game that I will one day die remembering as a key part of my gaming memories… the N64 game that counted my multiplayer play time in days before it got more technical.  PERFECT DARK 64!
This game originally came out on N64 on my 14th birthday, it was the spiritually successor to the amazing “Goldeneye“, it was the best console FPS of it’s time (imo!), decent single player, fun co-op, AMAZING MULTIPLAYER.  I had suspected this game of coming to XBOX LIVE Arcade ever since the planned Goldeneye re-release came to a halt, when it first got officially announced I was made up, when I heard the textures were getting a slight upgrade to make the year 2000 N64 graphics a bit more bearable, and the fact the gameplay was getting some refinements (no doubt to fix the 1 frame per second slow down this game would have in a room full of people with explosions a plenty heh ) my excitement level was set to HIGH!  Some may not be able to re-adjust from HD graphics to revisit old school classics, but I know after a good 15mins or so I’ll be as engulfed into the environments set by the game as I was as a 14 year old who at the time was witnessing some of the finest N64 graphical usage to the date (expansion pack ftw also).  The most amazing aspect to this games re-release though is that a number of the people I played this game in multi-player with nearly 10 years ago in my bedroom are now available through XBOX LIVE, so we’ll get to play this in multiplayer again, and no staring at each others split screen to cheat hehe, not to mention the fact I’ve met a bunch of new friends over the past 10 years who also have there own stories of Perfect Dark love whom I’ve never had the opportunity to play it with…well now it’s coming to be a possibility.  This game was supposed (although never officially dated) to be out before the end of 2009, however it has quietly slipped into early 2010.  RARE maintain that it will be out in Winter 2010, so we’re left with only 2-3 months most (with no further delays) for waiting .

Aside from the world of just XBOX Live Arcade they’re A LOT of great games coming in 2010, some that push this generations hardware further than we currently know, and a number of sequels to well established franchises…but right now I’m still most hyped for Perfect Dark 64 XBLA, it will be a huge upset if the XBLA port somehow fails to deliver, but the games core is fine, all I need is the online multiplayer to work, and the controls to be ported to the xbox pad ok…and I have faith in that .  Microsoft are also 2 – 0 on delivering great “Summer of Arcade” promotions over the July/ August period.  So I believe Microsoft will be looking to maintain there great delivery there in 2010.  Not to mention the fact RARE, SEGA and no doubt some other companies will no doubt bring a few more classics to LIVE too.  Here are a couple I’d love to see:

• Rush 2049 (Midway – N64/ Dreamcast) – Preferably bring the DC version to LIVE, another game I hold dear in my video game nostalgia, plus it’s a different kind of arcade racing game that is totally lost on the current generation.
• Blast Corps (Rare – N64) – Great N64 launch game, I don’t own the original anymore but would kill to play this on LIVE and have leaderboards support.
• Jet Force Gemini (Rare – N64) – An N64 classic that I’ve never played, Rare have already brought over the N64 Banjo games…so I’m hoping this one is already sat on there ‘to do’ list.
• Powerstone (Capcom – Dreamcast) – Great party beat em up game, in a similar sense that Smash Bros is on Nintendo systems.  This would be great on LIVE and I know there are plenty of old schoolers who’d love to see a re-release or an update for LIVE, not to mention it would capture a whole new wave of gamers I bet.
• Capcom vs SNK (Dreamcast/ GameCube/ PS2/ Arcade) – …quite likely for 2010 I reckon.
• Sonic Adventure 2 Battle (Sega – Dreamcast/ Gamecube) – People argue over if this was good…I think it’s the best of the few 3D sonic games that are worth playing.  It’d be amazing if there was some sort of Online implemented into it.  Chao Garden <3!
• Daytona USA (Sega – Saturn/ Arcade/ Dreamcast) – An old school arcade racer I’ve missed…also had a crazy soundtrack, re-make for LIVE please!)
• Crazy Taxi (Sega – Dreamcast/ Arcade)  - Amazing pick up and play arcadey game, merge the series and add new stuff (i.e. fun mini games with leaderboards) and call it Crazy Taxi Online Arcade…it’d sell.
• Turok (Acclaim – N64) …well, there’s no Acclaim anymore, so I’m not sure how licensing works…but the N64 FPS games were decent at the time, the multi player was fun too, and people who played it must still remember how devastating the Cerebral bore was…I’m sure it’s made a couple of Screwattack.com’s Top 10 lists).  If they could somehow re-work the wonders of the N64 original into a multi-player only game (like Battlefield 1943), then they’d have a good game imo.

That’s it for now…those are all of the top of my head (I store this kind of useless self-hyping information it seems), there are no doubt many more I’m missing, feel free to comment on your own XBLA picks for 2009, XBLA of all time, or game you’d just love to replay again.  If you stuck around for this whole epic wall of text blog post, then kudos to you, thanks for reading, subscribe to my RSS feed if you do that sort of thing (to be informed whenever a new blog goes up), or just add my blog to your bookmarks maybe.

Another hefty hefty read…if you enjoy this stuff though…read on.  If not, there’s a summary at the end.
…as always, my blogs are optional, and if you’re reading this anywhere other than kusohappens.com then it was ‘feeded’ into wherever you was reading it.  It’s something automatic I’ve set up, but I don’t want people to think I’m putting it out there because I demand you read it…I don’t…when I’m blogging on my own life problems and stuff it’s generally because I have a need to get them off my chest, and don’t really have issues with whom gets to peek in.

Anyway, the other day I got caught up doing a hefty blog trying to go over the details of what had to be the lowest part of my life.  If you want to read up on that before proceeding with this one, then >>click here<<  This is the continuation from that last blog…

Right so…earlier this year I went through a number of tough times, it overwhelmed me and without me stopping to actually consider things properly for a while, I dropped into heavy depression and was mucho’s ready for some suicide at the peak of it. It’s pretty weird (I guess) that I can openly admit that, and mention it in such a casual context as if it was some everyday normal sort of thing when it wasn’t, but I guess that’s just a thing that has come to be with the fact I went through those bad times.

Anyone who reads my blog (or has skimmed over it a few times before) will probably have gathered that I am quite open with my life, possibly even very open, but it’s a hard thing to compare as you only know as much as someone lets you know really.  The whole depression stage I went through that peaked in early/ mid January was a massive part in who I am today.  The saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is very true, I learnt that the hard way, but I focus on the positive side of it which is that I have definitely evolved as a person this year and picked up some major life experience.  A couple of times this year I’ve had some amazing conversations with some friends…you know, those cool long heart to heart type talks that everyone just really needs once in a while? …and I’ve told my story a number of times, when friends have had difficult break ups, or are bitching about family problems, or debts, or  other things I’ve dealt with.  It’s not like I feel as though I have wise advice to give, but I guess I have some, and sometimes all people need in hard times is just someone to listen to you, and perhaps share a similar experience.  …if I hadn’t of shut myself out when I was depressed, and perhaps told some of my close friends whom I feel I can talk to then I could’ve maybe avoided the severity of how depressed I was.  Although it’s not something I dwell on, as it’s been a learning experience and I believe it has made me a better friend and a better shoulder to cry on or whatever to others.

Back on track though.  After I had rock bottom with depression, came so near to going ahead with an O.D. plan I had in place but backing out due to the “if it goes wrong” risks, I had some sort of flash in my brain that made me realise that I should get some help.  So I saw a doctor, got help, got to talk out how bad things were, and one of the treatments I got was anti-depressants.
Now…as I’d never been on them before, and hadn’t really looked into them, I initially thought very low of anti-depressants.  I was under the impression they would just be a placebo.  You take 1 before bed each day, and they’re meant to control the fluids in your brain in a way that stops your brain overloading you with negative thoughts.  Now…I don’t know about you…but when I was told that it just sounded unbelievable and beyond what I thought was possible of a pill.  He said I wouldn’t notice the effects of them working for perhaps 2-4 weeks, but they will work and I should stick to them. …so I did, and…

They worked!  For me at least…they definitely worked.  Now…I was already feeling a lot better after opening up to the doctor about my problems, telling some friends about what i was going through, and blogging about the whole thing (and when I say “better” I mean that I never got anywhere near as close to suicidal again), however after about 2-3 weeks I was generally feeling more positive in day to day life, and even at nights (when I would normally get most vulnerable).  The way I tested this was the same way that some actors would make themselves cry for a scene, I tried thinking of things that were really upsetting, but I just couldn’t get a real impact and could often find a positive side to things.

I was given my anti-depressants in packs of 14, because I had come to them with such a mental instability, they naturally wanted to keep tabs on me, ask me how I was doing, and make sure they were doing all they could to potentially save a life.  Just after 2 months though they finally started giving me monthly amounts as I started to get past depression and was actually having some joy with my life again.  I not only got my confidence back, but I exceeded what I had before and was just a more confident and perhaps more laid back guy all around, and nothing really worried me.  Amazing turn around.  One thing I was told by the doc’s though was that the day I could honestly tell the doctors that I’m fine, I’m definitely out of depression, and feeling great about life again, I would still have to remain on anti-depressants for at least 5-6 months after that stage.  As studies have shown them that people who have been through depression are most likely to relapse back into it in those first 6 months after believing they were better. …and what did I do?…I stopped taking my pills, life seemed fine.  I’d met a load of new friends, I had applied for and got into university (which gave me something to look forward too and gave me a purpose and a sense of direction), I just forgot all about anti-depressants and never bothered making an appointment with the doctors to get more after approximately May (2009).

I spent a lot of the year partying, pretty much spending all the money I made on nights out and social interactions with friends, I had a blast!  So even if my homelife and relationship with my parents was shitty, I had an overpowering force of positive to totally over shadow that.  I even started seeing someone for a while too, which was my first sort of hook up after the messy break up from my first (and only) serious relationship I’d ever had.  So that was a positive too.  I had truly bounced back and was on my feet again.  Although, like I mentioned, I had stopped taking anti-depressants, then approximately late summer, the ground started to crumble…

First up I kind of messed things up with the girl I was seeing.  This was because after the hard time I had dealing with the heart break and drama of the break up (that was a key part of my depression), I didn’t want to “define” things with the girl I was with.  We were great friends and had a lot of fun, but I was worried if it became official…boyfriend and girlfriend…that it would get more serious, and then if we broke up I would be left heartbroken and have  a tough time dealing with it again.  Naturally though after like a few months of seeing each other things had to progress, but I was still unsure about taking the risk, there were other confusions going on too, but then I learned that this girl I was seeing could potentially be going to uni in 2010, and I started thinking about how I personally don’t believe in long term relationships, so now I was thinking more so that if things took off, that it would only end in heartbreak…  In hindsight I’ve been a bit of pussy, I was over-thinking things, and due to my own fears and hesitation I believe I somehow delivered the message that I wanted to break it off, when it’s something I didn’t conclusively decide on.  The thing I regret most about that though is the fact we no longer seem to be on talking terms, so I seem to have lost a friend in the process, as I can’t help but feel there is an awkwardness between us now :\

Anyway I kinda accepted I’d messed things up, and didn’t really know how to fix things, so that chapter just sort of ended.  Then not longer after that my dad started increasing his dickheaded-ness at work, started undermining what I was doing a lot.  He would make presumptions or suggestions about things he wasn’t fully clued up on, and when I could show or tell him that what I was doing was actually for the best, it seems as if he was pissed off he wasn’t right and then that seemed to further damage his (already low) opinion of me.  Anyway, thanks to my Dad putting me down so much I just lost a lot of motivation in my job, and eventually got fired.  The reason for this was because he was irate over some customer who wanted to return something.  I guess the customer was angry on the phone, and my dad took that anger out on me, in a very over the top way by firing me, so I just left.  I think he knows he over-reacted, and I think he expected me to maybe come in grovelling for work the next day, but with his negative remarks and the lack of motivation, plus the fact I was getting very close to starting university, I just accepted the firing, took it as a blessing due to the fact that I wasn’t enjoying work anymore (when at first it was a lot of fun working and managing the stores eBay account), so I just focused on my exciting leap back into education.

So…September comes around Uni starts.  Mucho’s excitement, it’s been hard work, a lot of deadlines, and I have a much busier schedule than a lot of students do this year too (I’ve been in 5 days/over approx 28 hours a week).  Anyway, overall uni has been a great change and I’m committed to it.  However …the big problem for me over the past 3 months has been money.  In the UK when students go to university they generally get a student loan, this is something the government gives out to students to help them pay for things like accommodation, living (food, toiletries, etc), and whatever else.  Naturally you pay this back once you’re in a job when university is over, but you’re meant to have this money from before your educational year starts…however due to the numerous problems this year, and a lot of mess ups on there behalf, I’ve STILL not had my loans yet (3 months late so far, but should have it in Jan).  So I’ve spent the last 3 months scraping by…I’ve sold things of sentimental value to make money just to eat and get to university, and I’ve had to say no to far too many nights out and social activities with friends because I have no money to have such fun.  It’s been a real struggle, I can’t really get a part time job as I’m in uni a lot and don’t have any decent means of transport at the moment, so I’ve been hella HELLA broke.  So this has put a lot of stress on me, and from time to time I have felt myself feeling very shitty about myself, albeit not as bad as I was earlier this year.  Another factor to my recent stress is the fact I still have money I owe companies from last year and this year, stuff I had on finance but couldn’t afford to pay, or just fell behind on paying when I was depressed and have been constantly aggressively chased for.  I’ve recently gotten hold of a free guide pack from some independent debt advice people, I need to have a good look through this and see what I can do to maybe get them to see that I have no way of paying them back until I can get a job next year sometime.  In total I owe just over £2000 I think, so it’s not TOO bad, but still a lot of money for me (a student) to be being chased for in a time where I don’t have any sort of income to deal with that.

It’s not just that I’ve been feeling down from time to time recently, or that I’ve also not had nearly as much opportunity as I’d of liked to hang with friends and lift myself up, I’ve been having some very weird dreams recently too.   In fact this is something that has sparked off my desire to get back on anti-depressants and want to stick to them properly when I do.  These dreams I’ve been having a lot of recently have been very VERY morbid suicidal-related ones.  Dreams were I’ve kind of been like a ghost getting to see the aftermath of the fact I’ve died and the people around me dealing with that and getting past it etc.  It’s been very surreal and very depressing.  I’ve also had dreams were I’ve had these weird adventures to euthanasia camps, and dreams were I’ve gotten hold of a gun, and then planned like a night of normal things, such as maybe watching tv for a bit, playing some video games, eating one of my favourite meals, and then being happy with the thought I could then just pick up the gun and escape my problems.

I want to re-iterate that I’m not as bad as I was in Jan this year, but all these fucked up dreams are de-sensitizing me to the whole suicide thing, and making it seem like “just another option”, which I know is wrong, and I don’t want to be dealing with that. :\
It’s funny to think that a normal person my age who has maybe has some money problems might get help from there parents…but I don’t have that support, I live in my parents house but I’m basically like some sort of unwanted house guest (or at least thats how I’m made to feel), I can’t talk to my parents about anything, and they don’t talk to me, you can imagine that it’s very awkward.  Not just that though but the whole stress of my parents making me feel so bad and looking down on me, and just basically not giving a shit about anything I do (the only thing that seems to provoke them to speak to me is to complain about something I’ve apparently done, or criticize me) means I have another problem to add to my already existing problems.

So!

To help me…I’m going to see the doctors soon and get another prescription of anti-depressants and keep on them.  They were a great help before, and they don’t change my personality at all, so it’s not like I’m on some sort of crazy pills or anything (which is what I think some people would see them as), they simply help the brain balance out things and because I’ve become so vulnerable to depression once already this year…I’m making sure that doesn’t repeat to the same extremes.

Really need to wrap up this super extensive blog post now, so I’m gonna throw out a summary and end things.

SUMMARY:

• Earlier this year was the worst time of my life, I was depressed and very nearly went ahead with a plan of killing myself
• Saw a doctor, got to talk out my problems, got put on anti-depressants, they helped.
• Spent a lot of time hanging with friends, that helped
• Felt like life was awesome again, decided to stop taking anti-depressants even though I was supposed to stay on them for at least 5/6 months after feeling better to prevent a relapse back into depression at the turn of anythings going sour.
• Started seeing a girl, although it was the first time since my first real heart break and depression, so I was scared to have anything serious, so didn’t define anything.
• Had an awesome summer
• After summer, somethings in life got lame (I unintentionally went from seeing a girl to not even having her on speaking terms with me anymore.  Dad fired me from my job I had.  Still I didn’t consider life anywhere near as bad as I had in Jan.
• Due to mess ups with my student loan and STILL not having it I’ve struggled with cash for the last 3 months.  Definitely added a lot of stress to my life
• Started seeing another girl, still feel as though I’m dealing with some fear about getting my heartbroken so have been a bit scared to define anything, although we are now using the term that we’re “dating”.
• Uni’s been great, really enjoying it, but it’s definitely not been a breeze and has kept me very busy.
• Over the past month or so started having some bad dreams on suicide, even though I’m not actually thinking of such drastic things these days.

…and that’s that.  I really needed to get all this personal drama and back story out of the way in a blog, because I have a lot of other things I want to blog about that won’t be perhaps as boring from a readers point of view and at the least they won’t be on such negative topics.

So…until next time (which will probably be before christmas), adios amigo’s.

Kermit.

First off.  Grrr at me for the whatever number time this year having to blog entirely negatively.

2009 has been a very weird year for me.  I can’t say it’s been all bad, as I really found myself this year, became a better person, a better listener, a better friend.  Not to say I wasn’t a good person before but I’ve just dealt with so much bad shit and I’m sick of the number of bad people in the world, and I just want to counter that by trying to be positive for people, I’ve had some of the best conversations of my life over the course of this year, had deep talks with a number of friends and shared stories of my hard times at the cost of hopefully brightening up someone else’s life knowing that things aren’t as bad as they seem for them.

Now…some of you at this point are probably like, what the hell are you referencing?…what happened that changed you?…and how do I know this isn’t just some melodramatic crap?  Fair questions, and I’m not going to beat around the bush.  So for the benefit of any curious people who happen to land on this blog via whatever link (through kusohappens.com, youtube, facebook, twitter, wherever…), here’s the simple jist of it.  Late last year a number of things happened that had a real impact on me.

• I got laid off a job, and from that came the start of some (still ongoing) debts.
• After continuous fallings out with my girlfriend, I suggested breaking up, didn’t really think that through at the time, but it went ahead.  The first ever long term serious relationship I was in came to an end (this has turned out to be an amazing thing for me in terms of finding myself, becoming a stronger person and becoming who I am today).
• Due to the break up I couldn’t afford to live on my own, which sucked because I loved my old place and the freedom of having a place I could at least 50% call my own, and thus…
• …I had to move back in with my parents, I appreciated them giving me a place to stay, but I definitely wasn’t fond of having to do so, and over the course of this year living at home has definitely not eased any depression (more on that soon).
• Having been in a relationship for 16months it was hard adjusting to being single, plus I had a drought before that relationship so my confidence and self-esteem was totally depleted, I felt like I was never going to find anyone else, and that I’d made a big mistake by suggesting a break up.

So somewhere in the area of mid-December to early January this year I fell deeply into depression.

At the time though I wasn’t referring to it as that, in fact I wasn’t really aware of anything, I was pretty much just living in a numb emotionless state, I’d never felt so low in my entire life at that point… my mind was just constantly on the negative things that had happened, and pretty much all thoughts led to my mind telling me that life had no signs of ever improving.  I was trapped inside my own hell that my mind had set.  At this point (early Jan) I was now working at my dads place (although I don’t really get on with my dad, but I needed a job), work was ok because it kept me busy, but everything was still without emotion, work was merely a temporary distraction to kill some hours during the day.  I’d get home, and the things that would normally make my happy such as playing video games or watching tv shows or movies I like, but this did nothing for me at all.  Anything I’d normally take joy in doing just become a chore and seemed pointless.  However the most unbearable part of my day…every single day…was when I’d finally try to go to sleep.

This is where I’d lay in bed at night trying to sleep, but no matter how tired I initially may have been before I decided to get into bed, I would always wander into thought, and the only things on my mind where how my life had gone from good to bad and how my life seemed to be over (so it seemed at the time).  Now, hey…a lot of people have worries whilst laying around thinking before going to sleep right?…Sure they do.  However, there’s a line between simply worrying about things, and feeling so bad that pretty much every night the only way I’d actually get to sleep was because I’d be crying, and that would eventually tire me out.  Truly the worst and most stupid night was one before New Years last year that I tried to knock myself out to get to sleep (self harm for the lose :/).  So…after nights and nights of crying myself to sleep, and countless days of living a hollow life that felt like it had no meaning or reason to go on, I started thinking about suicide.

At this point though, as days went by…I found myself crying less at nights, and actually taking comfort in the idea of suicide, I was crying myself to sleep because I felt like my life was never going to be fun again, and I was never going to be happy.  With the idea of suicide it silenced the sadness I had, because now I knew there was a way out, a way to stop the pain…it was the light at the end of my very dark tunnel.  Now, at this point I hadn’t been open to anyone about how bad my problems were, I felt pathetic about myself, and didn’t want to bring one of my friends down by having to burden them with my sad story, it seemed selfish.  So, after a few days of the suicidal thoughts I was done with the crying game, I was ready to find peace…I was ready to die.
…So one afternoon at work I bought a pack of non-prescription painkillers from Boots (a pharmacy), I knew I had nearly a full pack of paracetamol in my room, and I knew there was a medicine cupboard full of things at home.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what my intentions were from there.  So…that night around 11pm after some more crying, I figured I’d go ahead with it.  So for starters I took a few paracetamol that I already had in my room, and after that…for whatever random curiousity reason, I did a google search on overdosing, and it was at this point I learned of the brutal-ness an overdose can be.  Up until this fateful google search, I was under the impression I’d take a bunch of pills, start to feel dizzy and drowsy, pass out, and die.  Although from google I learned of how the procedure is actually a lot more painful and not exactly fast, plus the possibility was that I might survive it, but wake up to find I’d destroyed my insides (which could’ve possibly meant I’d live…and live the rest of my life with severe problems or disabilities), now…I was already in enough pain simply by living, I didn’t want to suffer more or potentially have to live suffering an even greater amount that what I was experiencing day to day.  I think at this point I was upset further…knowing the plan I had set to help me out was in fact flawed.  After crying a bit more I did some more researching and some more thought.  Obviously a gun would’ve been nice, but I didn’t have the money or any guarantees that I could get hold of such a thing, so I became decided on hanging, as that seemed at least to be fairly quick, I didn’t have a rope though…so I just sat down in my room head in my knees crying…then, out of wherever in my mind, I saw some sense, I needed help.  Suicide was on hold…I needed to speak to someone.

I asked anonymously and on forums on the internet what was my options for help, and I was told to see a doctor.  I initially didn’t like this idea as I felt as if I was to walk into a doctors office and tell them I’m depressed I wouldn’t be taken seriously, because I’m sure a number of people fake depression simply to get out of work or whatever.  I decided to give it a shot though and got the earliest appointment to see a doctor I could (after coming to terms with it being the best thing for me to do), I wasn’t bothered about seeing my own doctor whom had seen me several times before…I just needed any medical advice face to face that I could get.  So…I got to the doctors and gave him the basics on how I was feeling, naturally he wanted to know what the root of my depression was, and at this point I got choked up, this was the first time I had said out loud what my problems were, and why I was sad, this was the first time I was really open to someone else about the extent of my problems too, speaking out loud to someone about how pathetic I viewed my life and how sad I was very upsetting for me to hear, it was clear in my voice I was about to cry…so the doc said he’d give me a moment alone while he saw another patient, he took me to a small empty room next to his office and gave me a questionnaire where I had to rate a number of things on a scale of how bad they’re affecting me or have been affected by my depression, and I was surprised to see how well this questionnaire covered pretty much everything I was experiencing.  Not only this…but it was the first time I had really acknowledged certain things, for instance, even though I mentioned to you guys in this blog that I wasn’t having fun from my hobbies…I didn’t see this as a sign of depression, and because I was so wrapped up in my own sadness and kept myself to myself, I hadn’t really thought of me as “depressed” I was beyond everything and just thought it was Game Over for me.
Anyway, I filled in the questionnaire, and when he brought me back in his office he had a look, and asked more questions, gave me some much needed conversation on my issues, he prescribed me with anti-depressants, told me how they was supposed to help, gave me a bunch of websites that were supposed to be helpful, and a bunch of phone numbers I could call, and also said he’d register for me to see a therapist (although I never heard back from this).  He told me how the anti-depressants were meant to help me (although I was skeptical about them actually working), I opened up to a few people about how bad my problems were…ironically that was mainly from a blog post I did after I’d seen the doctor etc…and with the help of friends and anti-depressants I definitely had a turn around.  It wasn’t instant, but having admitted my problems out loud, and gotten some friendly support, and the help of anti-depressants, I pulled through.

I’d hit rock bottom in terms of being at a point of depression where I was ready to die, and with the help of anti-depressants they helped my mind stay off the negative thoughts, and I became more positive…and over time, I got confidence back, I had nothing to lose, and after going through the most vulnerable and unstable part of my life, I became a stronger more experienced person, the person I am today.

…Really cannot believe I ended up re-telling that whole ordeal in a blog, as some people will have heard most of this story back in January this year, but its kind of hard to go over what I went through and edit it, maybe I should re-read over this before I “publish” this blog post, but right now I need to sleep.

…sometime later on, or this time tomorrow I’ll get to the point of where I was going with this blog.  As like I said, this has just become a re-telling of struggles earlier this year.

—

Next part is basically about me believing I was out of depression when I wasn’t (thus “anti-depressants round two”), finding things to live for, the blues of living at home, my recent dreams (if i can call them that), and a summary of my 2009.

Sorry for the depressing blog post so close to Christmas, but I just needed to vent, and sorry if it’s not written so well as I’ve been up ALL night and have written this in one non-stop sitting without any sort of read over or spell check, anyway…enjoy the snow (if you’ve got some) I’m off for some sleep .

Adios Amigo’s

Kermit

Hola ma amigo’s.

  First blog in just under a week, and a much needed new blog post after my ‘anti-my parents’ blog last week (which I’ve already got a follow upto in my head).  Can’t keep pouring out negative blogs, it’s not fun to go over, and probably a lot less fun as a read.

Thus!  Happy(er) blog!  Got a bunch of things to cover, and don’t know where to start, might have to try my best at keeping things brief otherwise I’d drown you in text. 

    So first up, things at home are still uber UBER shitty, and I very much need to move out, but due to financial reasons, it’s looking a lot like I can’t right now…unless my application for an accomodation loan pulls through, in which case…maybe there’ll be a light at the end of this dark dark tunnel.

  As it is now August, technically Uni is very close upon me, finally sorted out my loan application the other week, and that’s a small weight off my mind, although whether or not my recent bad credit situations will affect my uni loans…is still for me to find out about.  As a main I JUST need tuition loans, so that I can ACTUALLY do uni, 2nd up is accomodation/ maintenance …so that I can get away from “home” (doesn’t feel like a home though).  Very much looking forward to university though, it’s a new and exciting prospect.

…speaking of new and exciting, I’d be a darn fool to not give some Kendal Calling coverage in this blog.

  Technically it’s my first “proper” festival I’ve been too, and 1 or 2 minor hiccups aside, it was freakin awesome!!!  My preperations for the festival were very last minute, and fairly unorganised, but it all went well in terms of having packed for the occasion, the only thing I would’ve done in hindsight, I’d of brought some paracetamol (thanks to St. Johns Ambulance for some on Saturday ^_^),  and I would’ve bought more spirits rather than SOO much Lager, simply because that last minute 24 cans of Fosters I bought, as well as an extra few Budweisers, just added to my already heavy heavy carry on luggage.
  When we got there, we took all we had brought in 1 trip, 1 LONG trip, which to quote my cousin Edd, was “like the strongman contest”, we had sooo much weight to carry, over a damp grassy field, through a muddy wood (which instead of being straight path, it was a wriggly snake, and then finally onto the campsite.
   We set up tent in this vacant patch we thought looked good for us, but it wasn’t too long before we realised we were amongst chavs :\, and very VERY loud ones at that (…we found out the next day some people had already moved from the spot we took due to the noise), but we stuck it out…which was difficult as some of these chavs hadn’t actually come for the festival, they’d just come to hang out or whatever, they were actively asking for there ketamine, and coke, and because of which they were awake pretty much all the time, and these were the bad real deal definition of chavs…the ones who were swearing at random people, shouting across the campsite, talking about some “scousers that needed smacking” as well as not being quiet about the fact they were running low on beer (which made us fear we’d get our tents robbed).  …that was it for the bad though.  So now I shall go onto the mucho’s of good Kendal Calling was …

First up, never in my life have I been somewhere were the smoking of weed has been so casual, and as I’m not anti-the stuff, I thought it was very cool, when in the camp site you would barely go a minute without having a breeze of weed smoke come by, soo many different varieties too…not that I can name them, but you can tell when what your smelling is weed, and there was a lot of variety in that scent.  Even in the festival site itself, there was a lot of weed smoking going on, as the security and cops just turned a blind eye (which is fair play as weed pretty much keeps people mellow and happy, so it’s doing no harm).
  Massive variety in people though, and on the festival site I only say nothing but cool people, no trouble, just people there for a good time…which is what festivals are meant to be about.  Whilst on “people” though, check out this pic of a family of banana people (taken from my friend Jemmas facebook), hehe.

It was great just having no real worries and being able to get drunk, and smoke all day, and just enjoy music, check out the goings on and the sights, and just have a laugh with friends …fuck “I wish it could be christmas everyday” …”I wish it could be a festival everyday”.  The food was better than I thought it’d be there too, although I didn’t exactly try every stall, the big suprise though…was the potato wedges stand…because they FREAKIN OWNED!!  Seriously, they were better than ANY oven wedges I’ve personally tried, and they ready instantly, and were seasoned, major major MAJOR win!  …I want more :’(, I hope I end up at Kendal Calling again next year (as well as others) and that the wedges van returns.  I’d make a comment about how bad the toilets were, but as a guy and the inclusion of the lil urinal booth things, well I’d deserve to be stabbed by any woman who attended Kendal Calling to complain.  1 good thing though…when I did use a porto-loo thing on Sunday, I left some of the toilet roll I had on me in there as a good deed as there was none in there…and I’d hate to be the person who REALLY needed some and had none.
 I’d of liked to put more pictures in this blog of festival random-ness and such, but most my pics are across 2 disposable cameras which I’ve yet to get developed, and plus I think my pics on those will probably come out a bit weak, but I can stretch out your web browsers scroll bar by embedding a bunch of youtube videos of some of my favourite bands I saw…although you’ll have to bear with the fact that they’re just music videos from Youtube, rather than live footage from the festival…oh and if you’re reading this through Facebook I don’t think embedded videos get shown, so I’ll have to include the video links as well I guess.

…First up; Rumble Strips – Not the Only Person – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hSqg5h5P-s

I caught there whole set, and I enjoyed it a lot…only heard of the band about 2 weeks ago when my cousin mentioned they were playing at Kendal Calling etc.  Since then I’ve got hold of 2 of there albums

Next up I’ll give “mad props” to Jelly’s Last Jam, they’re a homegrown (Preston) band, whom by some stroke of “wtf-ness” I have managed to not see LIVE yet, even though they’ve been pretty much hard not to see with there many appearances at ‘Mad Ferrett” and “CODA” in Preston.  Anyway, they’re set at Kendal Calling was awesome to see, and they’ve definitely added more to my already eagerness for the “Beach Please” festival at CODA in 2 weeks.  Anywho, here’s a video by them .

Jelly’s Last Jam – Alibi – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BTdktkc2Fw

I’ll have to give Tommy Reilly a mention too, I’d never heard of them until I was told about them being on some unsigned band competition show thing on e4 by my friend Jenna, they were alright though.  We watched there whole set I think, and my ears were enjoying, as I stood from the side having a jay, heh.

Tommy Reilly – Give me a Call – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zCpPqF4BnU

Next up I’ll give “Ash” a mention, even though they don’t need one.  I didn’t see much of them because they were playing at the same time as a band I was much more eager to see LIVE, but I caught a couple of there radio hits, and they were decent to see live.

Ash – Burn Baby Burn – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5ZtotlZ0ug

I’ll take a break here before finishing up with the Youtubing to mention the (big) bands I didn’t see; “Goldie Lookin Chain”, “The Streets” and “The Zutons” …GLC and The Streets were on Friday, and cause we got there and set up late…and started drinking…and didn’t have a program yet, we kinda screwed up there I guess, heh :p  and the Zutons, due to the drinking and walking and general wacky festival-ness catching up, plus the fact the chavs near our tent were making us nervous with us overhearing comments about them needing beer, and making us feel like they’d rob our tent’s supplies if we left …we had to give them a miss, which was a shame as I heard The Zutons were really good too.  Still, missing those acts doesn’t put a downer on the festival as a whole…everyone has there own experience at the end of the day, and I can happily say overall I left there having had a great time .

Anywho, my favourite band of the weekend pesonally…was “The King Blues”.  I heard them for the first time a month or 2 back on Radio 1, and immediately liked what I was hearing, they define themselves as a mix of punk and reggae/ ska, which are 2 genre’s I very much like, anywho I’m very glad I left watching “Ash” early to see “King Blues” as King Blues were awesome, the crowd was great and they interacted well with us…has us all with arms around the shoulders of the people next to us during there song ”Boulder” (which at the time I was stood amongst randoms), they also had some very cool things to say regarding politics and just general dickheads in the country between songs which was cool.
 So yeah…King Blues, my favourite of the weekend.  Not to take away from the rest though, and there’s a number of other bands I saw that I liked that I can’t remember the name of off the top of my head, and definitely can’t wait to experience more festivals in 2010

King Blues - Save the World, Get the Girl – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txZMLOohTnU (not an official music video)

So yeah…Kendal Calling!  Mucho’s Win, and considering it’s not too expensive (yet), I definitely hope to go again next year as it was a great weekend escape, and who knows…maybe next year the weather will be a bit better

 Oh…another video for you’s reader peoples. – http://vimeo.com/5915871 - 2 lil clips from Kendal Calling within.

…from Kev Mitchell on Vimeo.

 Kendal Calling aside (roll on 2010!)…I have other things that I gots to mention.
Firstly!  Save 20p’s …seriously, I have this little money box tin thing, and whenever I come home with change, I put ALL my 20p’s in it…even if I have like £3 in change in 20p’s ….I shove it all in there, and trust me, it builds up quick, whenever I’m in need of emergency funding… I urge you to give it a shot

Next up.  Twitter!  (I mention it practically every blog), but this isn’t about how awesome it is and how those who aren’t using it need to recognise it’s awesome-ness and get with it.  This is about how my addiction to Twitter is soo bad (or good), that anyone could pretty much use my twitter page as GPS as to where I am and what I’m doing… I twitpic a lot (take a pic off my phone and send it to twitter), as well as just general tweeting.  Skip back about 3 or 4 blogs for my more in-depth write up on Twitter and why you should get involved.

…and with that Twitter advert, I will end this blog for now…Still got moer things I’d like to mention, but I’ll save it for next time rather than over-fill this one.
 Many thanks for taking a browse (my hypothetical reader-base), and catch you either later this week, or early next week.
Much love, Peace, Adios
..Kermit x

Me @ Kendal Calling

What you can’t see in that picture was my awesome “not for men” wellies I got.  I had no shame in wearing them…they were comfy, and a lot more funky than those generic ones a lot of people generally wear.
…and “generic” is not how I like to roll.

Woo!! 2009

2008 wasn’t a bad year…I’d say nothing really got done in it, but I suppose I can credit 2008 for being the year I first moved out from my parents.  Although soon I shall be back there for a while, so 2009 will no doubt be the second year I move out from my parents.  2008 was also a year I experienced my first proper heart break, and holy moly that was tough, still feeling aftershock from it to this day (it’s nearing 1 month now since the official break up).  I had some good fun last year though (wish I had a video montage to show, that’d be cool).  So I’m not really one of those people who are like “fuck 2008! I hated it, worst year ever, it had it in for me!”.

2009 though, what’s in store?

Well…lets start off with the fact I want to make this year THE! year I go to uni.  This could be in 2 forms.  Preferably I will get in and onto the course of my choosing and start in September.  Plan B is that I am not qualified or do not get onto the course of my choosing, and thus have to do a 1 year “Foundation degree” thing, where basically I prove I’m not a damn fool, and that although I don’t have the college credentials to meet the UCAS needs…I am still good enough to be paying you 3k a year to study.

I’ve been doing a lot of side project research about this, asking friends, making friends, getting info on this, and fingers crossed I should be good to go this year.  I’ve got my heart set on University and I would be really sad if this plan either goes to shit, or if it somehow gets further delayed.  Really after such an emotional ordeal I’ve personally had dealing with the previous break up, and just how my self-esteem and life worth felt shot during a period between October and December.  I literally felt like I had nothing to look forward too.  University though, that is my light at the end of the tunnel I think…It will give me a sense of pride and that I’m doing something knowing I’m there, it will be a whole new experience, and I’ll be learning something I actually very much ‘do want’ to learn, however tough it may be, whatever…I’m committed.

So…main focus is to get University sorted, deadlines for UCAS applications are Jan 15th, but I know 2 people who have done the course I want, and I know a 3rd who is on it, and they say I shouldn’t worry about the UCAS thing, and they’ve given and continue to give me help on what I need to know and do etc.  1 of them may also be able to have a “pro-me” word to the course leader to help my case also.

So…in the meantime, everything I do with the rest of my life for the time being is just a filler/ time killer really.  Obviously I need to be focused on getting my application sorted so I do know if I’m getting in, but in between waiting for responses or waiting till it starts (September), I’m just going to continue working wherever.  For now that’s currently at the place my dad works, on a sort of part time basis, doing eBay work (which is more fun than any previous jobs) but this is only temporary until that runs dry pretty much.  After that I’ll probably just a work another admin type job until (fingers crossed) Uni.

Also this year, I hope to move in with a friend.  Not sure whom that friend will be yet, a couple of candidates for it, but the first opportunity I get I will no doubt go for as I just love love love the freedom of having a place of my own, or shared with a friend whatever…  It should no doubt be a lot of fun living with a friend, not only do I have someone to watch movies, tv, play video games with etc, but I got my own room, my own space etc too.  It should be the Joey and Chandler lifestyle that guys dream of (or at least I dream of >_>).

Another thing I want to do this year is have a win on something.  All fkn 2008 I’ve been constantly entering competitions/ prize draws and had no luck.  I’ve bought a number of scratch cards and for about a month I was on a roll of never losing money and being up by maybe £4, I’ve also been making sure to buy “Bounty” kitchen roll recently so that I can enter there “Clean up with Bounty” cash giveaways, but still not won a thing from that.  I know it’s stupid to expect to win from these type of things, but come on!  Give me something.  I had a scratch card in like 2006 or 2007 with a win of about £16 on it, that was a good day.

Chinese New Year on January 26th, then it’s the year of the Ox.  I might try and go to the Chinese Buffet and see if there are any nights out on that day or Jan 25th (Chinese NYE), it’s fun to celebrate days that aren’t actually mine to celebrate.

So back on track though, I won’t say 2009 is a fresh start or anything ignorant to my past, but I am hoping to look back on 2009 and have a lot of positive things to say about it, certainly more positive things than I have memories of 2008 for being anyway.

So yeah…that is it for this blog.  Roll on 2009.  I hope it turns out to be a good year for me, I certainly hope to have no heartbreaks in 2009, and I hope that you hypothetical people that might so happen to read this also go on to have a good 2009, early days yet.  *I hope it snows…I want to do some stupid stuff on a sledge.

I’m kind of getting the idea for my next blog as we speak…on a topic I don’t think I’ve spoke on before, but one that capitalizes on the time of year.  Till then though, Adios

Kermit is currently/ recently:

Playing:

Current mood: ready to kick ass and take names in 2009...perhaps.

• Guitar Hero World Tour (360)
• Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix (XBLA)
• Worms (XBLA) (well…I played 1 match on it last night).

Looking forward to playing in the next few months of 2009

• Street Fighter IV (360) – Feb 20th
• Resident Evil 5 (360) – March 13th
• Bionic Commando (360) – Q1 2009
• Wii Sports Resort (Wii) – Q1 2009

Watching:

• Reno 911 (Tv series) – Just started watching yesterday, and it has just been an explosion of laughter for me.  Love it, by the end of Jan I’ll of watched all 5 seasons no doubt.
• Katt Williams Pimp Chronicles Pt.1 – My first proper taste of Katt Williams stand up, and it has been delicious.
• RudeTube Top 50 of 2008 – funny show…although a lot of re-hashing from previous RudeTube clips, oh and Alex Zane was better than that other guy they used for Rudetube imo.
  (Rudetube for those not in the know is basically a show in the uk on ch4 where they show clips from YouTube and in some cases other internet videos)

Yay.  I can tick one more day off the calendar that I haven’t cried or felt really grey and cloudy about things.

1 thing that really had me down those first couple of days was that I was losing someone, and I felt like I was going to be alone and unloved forever afterwards where as she would prosper and have the world.
My homeboy Steve Perry, and collectively, Journey. Have had my back with some quality songs about love to make me smile and think forward, as well as help deal with the break-up. (Each letter in the band name links to a different video hehe)

Heck, she may well have a good rebound relationship after me…but there are many different ways to measure success so whatever she does after me is not an issue.  I’ll hopefully have a new girl sometime in 2009.  I still find it absolutely crazy to think of being with someone else, and I’m not rushing into anything, but I’ve liked having a ‘special someone’, so I intend to re-fill the gap eventually, but hopefully it will happen in 09 and it will be awesome.

Plus I love those early months in a relationship, where you slowly get to be more goofy and open with each other, yet your still doing the whole “lets go on dates” things, it’s cool.  It’s the sort of thing movie montages are made of.  I have no idea how I’ll meet someone though, I’m too shy in a sense to tell a girl I like her, plus I can’t just look at a girl and judge from her looks if I want to “be” with her.  I got lucky with Laura in that we chatted through myspace for a while before it got to the “lets try dating” stage.  I don’t neccesarily want to meet someone through online outlets though…it takes a while.  Not that I’m impatient, but I can see my good experience with it being a fluke (as others who’ve met people through the internet havent had good stories to tell).  Maybe I need to be in a bar…and not a night club, a bar where you can still hear people…Fuck, I dunno.

Geez I’m such a retard thinking about this.  Like I can plan my life like that…everything is pretty much random.  I just need to be more on the ball about things and jump at opportunities rather than sitting there thinking things through until the point the opportunity is missed.

I had this song come on in my car today (it’s on an mp3cd I made a while ago with about 140 songs on it).  It’s a song from Tony Hawks 3 (video game).  It’s kind of more meaningful too me now though, as I can relate it to how Laura has changed recently and how I don’t feel like I need her so much anymore.

*embeds*

BodyJar – Not the Same

Also…I’ve liked kinda dug this song for a loooong time, before I even had anything to relate it too.

American Hi-Fi – Break Up Song

Never seen the music video for it though…I like how “for the dudes” it is *high five* to anyone else who’s come out of a painful break up recently and is now able to look forward!

Some things I’m looking forward to is hopefully getting back into in 09, are Skateboarding.  I want my “skater boy” inside me to evolve next year.  Just generally move up my ranks of amateur-ness to something that can impress the n00bs, rather than being the n00b.  Think I’m going to get a new set-up with any money I get for christmas, plus with me living back at my parents I’ll live close to my mate Brad whom also has a skateboard and is on a similar level to me.  Heck I might even bump into the guy round the corner from where I used to live…the guy with flatland skills a plenty, he’s no Rodney Mullen but this guy (Stewart?) was sick on a board, and I owe him for helping me get Ollie’s better, as well as teaching me a few other neat things.  It was awesome watching him.  It’s class to see some sick skate tricks live in person, yet not feel like the person doing the tricks is trying to intimidate you.

I suppose I’ll be able to play more video games, and go out to clubs more again too as I’ll have a bit more money…but they’re not things I’d say I’m looking forward too really, just options that are available to me.

I’ll HAVE to get rid of my current car and get something else next year too.  Had my current car for about 5+ years now (only 4+ of me actually driving it though).  I’ve had some good times with it, to say the least.  However ever since about 3 years ago I’ve wanted my next car to be some sort of small 4×4.  Some sort of compact jeep thingy.  I just think they’re so funky (I dunno why).  Where as others are looking for euro compacts or whatever car thats “ideal for pimping out”, I don’t see it that way.

Also, next year should be cool when I get to move out with a friend this time, and have that sort of ‘Joey and Chandler’ lifestyle.  That’ll be cool.  It’s something I thought I’d never get to do with me going straight from ‘living with parents’ to ‘living with serious relationship partner’.  Maybe there could be a Foosball table too .

Went to the all you can eat Chinese buffet today too, buffet @ preston.  Love it there.  Love it.
Me and Pete managed to knock back 2 populated plates, had I been eating right recently I would’ve been able to do 3 (my current high score), but it was 2 plates of awesome-ness thats for sure…It’s cool having lunch with friends.  I need to do more of it.

Anywho…that’s me done for this blog.  I’m off to continue with my iPod listening spree.  Perhaps play some more 360, and then hit the hay…for tomorrow may have in store a Harold & Kumar esque quest ahead of it.

Kermit is currently/ recently:

Playing (Video Games):

• Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades (DS) – It wasn’t much of a “I played this this week” I just went for one of those 10minute sit downs on the water hole, and decided to play through 3 songs.  Strumming and droppin (logs).
• Bully: Scholarship Edition (360) – Played about 50% of this back in its original days on the PS2, got it on the cheap a few weeks back, started playing this week, and I’m loving it.  It’s a refreshing little game.  Makes me wish they’d remake “The Warriors” on 360 though.  I fkn loved! that game, and I love the film.
• WWE Smackdown vs Raw 09 (360) – I can play this mindlessly, I don’t even need to remember what I did in the game, I can either continue the career modes, make stuff, or just piss around with exhibition matches…either way, I enjoy it.  The Wii version is only about £19 from GAME’s website for the next 7 days…for anyone interested in that version.
• Pinball FX (XBLA) – Just got this tonight (as well as the SFII tribute table), it’s a good time killer.  I definitely reccomend it to those in need of something of this nature for quick burst xbox arcade fun.  The Street Fighter table is cool too, a lot of SFII goodness crammed in there like you wouldnt believe (whats the deal with the table using a remix of “Kens Stage” as it’s music though, I say this because Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix also uses a remix of Kens stage music as its main menu theme (instead of the SFII theme).  I like the tune…but it seems odd to show Ken so much love.

Watching (movies):

• Drilbit Taylor – I let this slip past me…it’s an 08 film, but I didn’t bother seeing at at the cinema, or care for it’s DVD release.  Downloaded an aXXo (high quality pirate film speak) of it the other day and watched it under the influence with a mate.  It’s a pretty good film, I think I avoided it thinking it was a kids film, but hell no’s, its on par with the comedy stuff Ben Stiller, Seth Rogen, Will Ferrell etc deliver (it’s an Apatow film though…so what do you expect it to be).
• Pineapple Express – Saw this at the cinema, and watched it again earlier this week.  Love it so much.

Watching (TV):

Current Mood: I

• WWE Weeklys – Even watched ECW this week for the first time in over a year, were have I been?  ECW is pretty good programming these days.
• Dexter – This show is so good it’s scary…seriously, I’m scared that they’ve had me hooked on the awesome-ness of this season then they’ll finish the season off with something weak.  ACE show.
• Discovery’s Top Ten Deadliest Sharks – o_O …I likes the shark porn.
• Bring Back Star Wars – I got hold of this to see them ambush Kenny Baker (who is like Preston’s majorest celebrity).  I want to have Kenny Baker in a youtube video of mine very soon.  In the meantime here is a video of Kenny Baker on YouTube.
• Big Bang Theory – Caught a few eps this week on e4.  I want to get into this show properly sometime soon, seems like it’ll be worth a watch.  Light hearted series, starring David from Roseanne and the chick from 8 Simple Rules.

Adios.

Also…just to note, my blogs from now on should hopefully be less emo’y-relationship based and back to wahtever they were before.
2pac once said “Keep’a ya head up”, and Bob Marley said “No Woman, No Cry”.
So hey…I’ll believe them.